Monday, August 16, 2010

Decision Time

August 7, 2010
Shortly after the team of neurologists met with us to deliver no good news, the PICU team held a meeting to discuss our options. We had the team meet with all our family and friends so that we didn't have to rely the message.
The PICU team talked about completing the 12 step test as soon as the meeting was over. Once the test was finished, Leightyn would be sent to radiology to do a blood flow test. Leightyn would be injected with dye to see if there was any blood flow going to the brain. The PICU team also would need to complete the 12 step test again in 6 hours and then again in 12 hours.
We (once again) asked what we could have done different in Leightyn's case. The Dr. said (over and over) that there was nothing we could have done. There were no signs. If the tumor would have been discovered, there was no treatment and no cure. The Drs even told us that they would have sent us home when Leightyn was throwing-up (thinking it was a virus).
The PICU team allowed people to be in the room as they completed the first 12 step test. Landen and I chose not to be in the room, but allowed every one else to be in the room. My only request was that they sang to Leightyn as the test was completed. I was still hoping for a miracle and thought that Leightyn would respond to the singing. My mom later told me that the songs were not the greatest.....more of an emotional mess.
After the test was complete, the PICU team came back and gave us the results. Leightyn didn't respond to anything. There were no signs of brain activity and no response to the different test. Leightyn was then sent to radiology to complete the dye test. The PICU team told us that they honestly believed the dye test would be abnormal. They also believed that the next two 12 step test would be abnormal.
Landen and I talked in the hallway about what we were then going to do. Do we wait around the hospital another 12 plus hours for two more 12 step test or do we let her go on to Heaven. We honestly believed she was already with Jesus. We believe that she wasn't there and it was to hard to sit in the room another day waiting for the Drs. to complete the test.
After talking, Landen and I decided that it was time to let Leightyn go. As hard as it was, there was no choice to make. If there is no blood flow, there is nothing left to do. We were ready to go home. We were drained....emotionally and physically. We talked about how hard it would be to wait another 12-24 hours..only to still have to make the same decision. We felt our time at the hospital was finished. We had no idea how we were going to walk out the front doors without Leightyn, but we knew that was our calling......our new chapter in life.

1 comment:

  1. Found your blog through Kelly's Korner. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Leightyn. I lost my 2 year old twins last July to a drowning. Reading some of your posts, I can relate to many of your feelings. Praying for you and your family. God is an amazing comforter! Lean on Him always, He will get you through the toughest of days. Again, I am so sorry.