August 7, 2010
As we finished our family meeting, Leightyn returned from the blood dye test. The Drs came in and (like they had already told us) said that the blood flow test was abnormal. This meant that there was no blood flowing to the brain. The Drs (once again) made it clear that they believed the 12 step test would still be abnormal tomorrow.
One by one, people went in Leightyn's room to say their final good-byes. Landen and I had our time alone with her. As I think about that time, it brings tears to my eyes. We told Leightyn how much we loved her, how much we were going to miss her, we were sorry for the times she wanted to play a game and we were to busy. We cried. This was our baby girl. Our firstborn. Our sweet Leightyn. She was no longer here with us. It didn't make sense, but we were going to keep on praising God.
While Landen and I were in the room, the PICU Dr came in and officially pronounced Leightyn brain dead at 6:33 pm. Talk about the wind being knocked out of you! It's one thing to know that she is gone and another thing to hear the DR make it official.
As our parents said their good-byes, Landen and I began talking to the organ donor representative. We wanted to donate all her organs to children in need. As we started the process, the representatives phone rang. After taking the phone call, the representative let us know that Leightyn was not able to be a donor. The test came back cancer. We were told that it was so bad that they were afraid that any organs placed would cause cancer in the new body. I was stunned! Our little Lei Lei was so sick and we had no clue. There were no signs to show how sick she was.
Since Leightyn couldn't be an organ donor, we had to take her off the breathing machine and let her "medically" go on. We were allowed to be in the room for this, but Landen, my brother, and myself chose not to be. My mom, dad, aunt, uncle and cousin chose to be in there for us.
As this was going on, a social worker came and talked with Landen and I . She was so scattered brained and I was on such an emotional low that I had to get up. I decided to go in Leightyn's room to see her once more.
I was shocked when I entered the room. The tubes were gone. It was so quick. Leightyn also was gone. Besides the family, there were 2 nurses and 3 Drs in the room. They were standing at respect for Leightyn. It was overwhelming. The nurses asked if I wanted to hold Leightyn and I said "I just can't do it". My mom said that she would hold her and rock her for me. To this day, I would give anything to hold her one more time. I just don't think I could have handled holding her right then...in that situation.
It was to much, being in the room, so I left. Landen and I went back to the family room and just sat in shock. How did we just say good-bye to our baby? Why was our baby gone? We wondered why God wanted her to go? How were we going to tell Mylea? How would we go on without our Lei Babe?
At this point, I was ready to just go home. I was drained (emotionally and physically). I wanted to see Mylea, to hold her, and to love on her. My mom, dad, and brother had their last minutes with Leightyn and they were ready to get us home. My aunt, uncle, and cousin stayed behind to be with Leightyn. I didn't know until later, that they were staying behind to wait on handprints and footprints of Leightyn. I still haven't seen them....but I will treasure them forever. I am so thankful the hospital thought of making a set of prints for us.
When we left, Leightyn's nurse (who was awesome) was rocking and singing to Leightyn. I believe (don't hold it to me) that she told my mom that she would stay with Leightyn until they came to get her. Talk about a nurse who went beyond her duty.
We got in the elevator and some how made it out the front doors without any breakdowns. We cried and wept in our hearts....how was our perfectly healthy baby gone? We were (and still are) heartbroken.
It was the start of our new chapter in life......
PARTIES PARTIES PARTIES
3 years ago