Friday, December 23, 2011

Christmas in Heaven?

My little angel,

Just wanted to say that we miss you so much. Got moved in to our new house, and its amazing. You would have absolutely loved it. My thinks that she is big stuff now and apparently doesn't have to follow any rules. She is such a big girl and has been sleeping in her big girl bed all week now. We are so proud of her. I know that she misses you so much. Especially at bed time, when she doesn't have her big sis there to cuddle with. We have finally gotten back into our nightly routine, and it is going great so far. I wish you could hear and see how smart your little sister is becoming. Thank you for being such an awesome big sister for her to follow and look up to.

Speaking of big sister. My is getting close to have a little brother (or sister) to hold, teach, change diapers, and take care of. We cant wait to see how amazing she will be. Mommy has gotten a "ripe" (hey its better than saying big) belly on her. I don't see how that little thing has any room to move. Its only going to be a few more weeks. I hope that you get to check in on us from time to time. Its hard to see where we have come from, and at the same time we are truly thankful and amazed how God has blessed us these past sixteen months. Its going to be different having a baby around the house again, and its going to be different being a four person family again. Although we really consider ourselves a six member family with two kids in Heaven. Even though we never got to meet one , he/she is still part of our family.

Kind of at a confusing spot right now. It seems like there aren't as many people that talk about you anymore. Its not that they have forgotten you, but I think its that they slowly heal and the fresh memories become older and older. To tell you the truth Lei, It seems like so long ago that you were here. We want so badly to keep your memory fresh and alive, but we don't know what to do, where to turn. We pray for opportunities to share your lifesong and our story with others, but it just doesn't happen enough, near enough.

I still think about you every day. As I'm sure that I will for the rest of my life, I can only imagine how big you would be. I see your friends and how tall they are, and I just cant help but to wonder all of the things they we have missed out on. Its only normal I think, and I will never be able to see kids your age and not wonder. Its hard to believe that you would be in the middle of your first grad year. It breaks our hearts so much not knowing what you would have been like. Starting to see some kids close to your age getting saved is a bitter sweet moment for me. I wish so badly that we could have got to experience that with you. What can we do? Live in the "what we have missed", or live in hope. Hope that one day (I believe very soon) we will get to spend forever with you. I don't even begin to pretend to understand all that heaven will be like. I would be willing to bet that everyday is Christmas. Every moment is one of complete celebration and praising and glorifying God. What you must be experience? How you must be praying and anticipating the day that daddy, mommy, sissy, the new baby, and the rest of our family will get to come see you soon.

Love you so much, Miss you even more.
Tell Jesus Happy Birthday for us.
You rock!