My "Ramblings" post was written during a time where I felt my world was coming crashing down. Satan was having a field day in my life and in my extended families life. I want to clarify some comments that I said. I have debated all week if I should even worry about clearing the air, but God got a hold of me yesterday at church and told me that I had to clear the air. This blog was intended to tell Leightyn's story and as a way to heal. It was never intended to be used for a pity party or to cause hurt in other people's life. Please accept my apology if your feelings were hurt in the previous post.
"How Are You Doing"
Yesterday at church, my Momma Sharon, made a great point about this question. "How are you doing" is a basic question for humans. As you approach someone, you ask "how are you doing" and then that person ask you the same question back. This question is never meant to cause me an emotional breakdown....it's just a common question.
So....how am I doing? It depends on the day. There are days that life goes on with our "new" normal. There are days that I just want to cry and throw myself a pity party. We have good days and we have bad days. We have days where it seems unreal and unfair. We have days that we think about all God has done through Leightyn's little life and death...and we are amazed.
So....when you ask me, "How Am I Doing" (and it is ok to ask), my answer will depend on the day. You might be bombarded with emotions and you might get a "minute by minute, moment by moment" response.
There are moments when I see other moms yelling at their kids or making sarcastic remarks about how bratty their kids are...and I want to get in their face and say "wake up...be thankful that you have a child who can be a brat".
I am just as guilty on this one. I can think back (and even now with Mylea) to the many times that I was at my wits end with the girls. That's how it is with little kids. They like to test their parents and see where the boundaries are. My comment was made about no one. I was not pointing fingers at anyone. The last 6 weeks have showed how short life can be and how quickly it can be taken away.
My new motto is "Live With No Regrets". As a Child of God, mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister....I do not want to have regrets for my actions, words, attitudes, and for my life. I want parents to know that your kiddos are a precious gift from God. A gift that He can chose to take back at any moment. Our kiddos belong to God....He just loans them to us. Spend time with your kids. Love them. Praise them. Teach them about Jesus.
Last week when I shared Leightyn's Lifesong with my MOPS Mommas (and I still love those gals....nothing can change how I feel about my mommas!), I ended the talk with two questions. Think about what your answer would be....(1) If your child, friend, family member were to die today, would you have any regrets about the time that you did (or did not) spend with them? and (2) What can you do today to change your regrets towards this person?
It's really hard to understand how we have lost friends through this experience.
Once again, this was just a statement...not intended towards any one in particular. We somtimes feel like that it is easier for people to avoid us than to worry about upsetting us. It's easier to not talk to us than to worry about what to talk about. It's easier to let us work through our problems than to get involved in our healing process.
It stinks that people think they have to be careful with their words and how they act around us.
I realize that yall don't know what to say or do around us. Unless you have been down this road before, you don't know what to do. We just want people to be themselves with us. Like it has always been. Don't be afraid to talk about Leightyn, to ask questions about what happened, to share memories with us. Don't feel like you have to walk on tippy toes around us so that you do not upset us. It's not what people do and say that upsets us. We never know what is going to trigger an emotional breakdown. Yesterday, I went down to the cemetery. I thought that being there would bring on a breakdown, but it didn't. My breakdown came when I heard a song on the radio. Be the friends that you have always been to us. Keep on loving us like you always have.
That's one thing that I love about my MOPS Mommas and my church family. You can feel the love and support as soon as you get around these people. My Mommas have not changed. They are still real with me. We can cry together, vent about our kiddos together, and share each other's experiences. My mommas have been there for me through this entire process. Our church family is absolutely amazing. The cards we have received, the words spoken, and the hugs given at just the right time have gotten us through this time. I thank God that He has surrounded us with a great support group.
I hope this clears the air with some of the confusion I caused. If you still have concerns, please call me or email me!