Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Email From "Ms Kelly"

Hey Missy. Just checking on you. I pray every morning that you'll have a time during the day when your mind and heart are at peace. I can't imagine how you get up and go every day......but you are and that is awesome. I think about Leightyn and you and Landen and Mylea so often. I can't even process how much you and Landen think about Leightyn and how much you miss her. Love you guys and am always lifting you up.

Hey girl! We have adjusted to our new normal. We have our moments and our days, but things are better than I would have thought. Mylea is what gets me through the day. We have kept our normal schedule (library, parks, playgroup, and "school" work). If I didn't have Mylea, I don't think I could get through the day. In the last 3 weeks, she has become Leightyn. Her expressions, attitude, words are Leightyn made over. When I look at her, I see leightyn at that age. I feel guilty that I don't think about leightyn a lot. But when I do, the tears and emotions come. The pictures, videos, kids at church....everything is a constant reminder of what we have missing in our lives. I love to think about her (when I am alone and the emotions can come) but I feel like I have to stay strong for Mylea. I like to sit and look at pictures when Mylea is asleep or at my parents house. I really want to watch some home videos but just haven't done it yet. Mylea talks about her sissy all the time. She likes to tell me stories of the things they did together. She likes to ask questions about leightyn. We bought Mylea a powerwheels tractor for her birthday. She went straight to the passenger side and asked who was going to drive her. Lei always drove her around. She told me the other day that she couldn't drive it because it was sissy's job to drive. This past weekend, I went down to the commentary. It was a better experience than I thought it would be. The dirt pile was the size of her small casket. I told Landen that I really wanted to start digging just so that I could see her again. I know she isn't there but I knew her little body was there. What I wouldn't give to see her again, to hold her, and to hear her sweet little voice. We requested Leightyn's records be sent from both hospitals. We want to know what all she had and what all happened in the short 24 hours that weekend. The nurse had already received a short summary about leightyn. She told Landen that her nephew has the same thing that Leightyn had. The Dr discovered it but there is nothing they can do . They have a Dr coming from England to help them. The little boy (he's 3) doesn't remember his mom and dad, doesn't talk, does nothing. I am so thankful that we had leightyn up until that morning when she didn't wake up. I thank God that we have good memories and no memories of treatments and surgeries. I honestly believe that when I found her and while we were in the driveway waiting on help, she was still with us. She was still breathing and her heart was barely beating. I got to tell her that I wanted her to wake up and that I loved her. I honestly believe that she heard me. When we would talk to her, her tongue would move like she was trying to say something. But I believe that she went to see Jesus sometime between the ambulance ride and St Edwards. I think she was already gone by the time she was in the hospital bed. Wow...I just wrote a really long response!!!

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