Dear Leightyn,
I just got home from Bible study and I can't wait to share just a few of the many things I learned tonight. We are doing the Faithful Abundant True study that is written by Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer, and Beth Moore. I heard these women speak at Memphis last spring....do you remember that weekend? I remember daddy calling me and telling me that you "smelled", well, really you just stunk! We thought that maybe you at an UTI. All weekend I worried about you. When I returned home, daddy was right about the "smell".....whew! We got you in the dr and had you checked. You didn't have an UTI. The smell continued so we went back to the dr. I will never forget the drama of you having to pee in a cup. I took you to the bathroom many times and nothing would happen. I finally had to promise you a surprise if you would just pee. Finally, about 45 minutes later, you peed in the cup. We celebrated in the bathroom! The sample came back and nothing was wrong.....so, were was the smell coming from. You finally told us that you stuck an M&M up your nose about 4 days earlier. I will never forget you telling me the story. You said you were at Jo's house and were eating candy. You decided to stick it up your nose to see if it would fit. Guess what....it did! Not only did it fit, it got stuck. You didn't tell anyone for 4 days. That was the stinch!!! Daddy took you to the Dr and he pulled it out. Well, it wasn't candy! It was a piece of foam. You never told us where the foam came from. I will never forget that little adventure!!!
Anyways, back to Bible Study.......
I was so excited when this study was chosen. I remember getting so much out of the weekend and I couldn't wait to do a more in depth look at the topics. Off all the topics, I remember Priscilla's the most. She spent the weekend on Ephesians 3:20, 21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." .
I have never shared this before, but Leightyn, this verse stayed with me while we were in the hospital. I kept thinking to myself "God is able to do more than I can imagine". I remember praying in the chapel "Lord, you are able to do a miracle for us, do it and do it better than I could ever imagine".
God didn't answer our prayers in the way that we wanted. I know He could have healed you, and I often wonder why He didn't. Well, tonight Leightyn, I gained a new understanding of why He didn't. I know that He has plans for us and had plans for you. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that "He knows the plans He has for us". Lei Babe, your plan was not what we had planned. God put you here on earth for a short while to show the love of Christ to others and to lead them to Him. It takes a special angel to do what you have done. Tonight it hit me that God had every thing planned out in His mind. While on earth, I may not see or understand God's reasoning for taking you home, but one day in Heaven, I will know His reasons.
Don't get me wrong. I would give anything to have you here with me. But that wasn't my decision. My job was to pray and believe that God could have healed you.....if it was His plan and His will. God has the ability and the power to do anything that He wills!
God had a purpose for taking you Leightyn. His kingdom purposes are way past my ability to understand at the moment. I think about the lives you touched, the ones that came to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior, the ones who made wrongs right in their families, and all the other stories we have heard. God was using you to build His kingdom. Not only His Heavenly kingdom, but His army here on earth. Daddy and I are amazed every day when we get an email from someone telling us how your lifesong has changed them. How people who have not been in church in ages are now there every week. People who gave up on God and now know that He is all they have. People who have gotten back in the Bible and now have a relationship with God.
Lei Babe.....that's what gets us through each day. We worship a God who is powerful and mighty. He is able to do so much more than I could ever imagine. Look at how He used you....I never would have imagined all the miracles that have come from our loss!
"The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made" Psalm 145:17
I Love You Baby!!!!!!
Momma
PARTIES PARTIES PARTIES
9 years ago
I stumbled across your blog tonight from Kelly's Korner. I have sat here for the last almost 3 hours reading every single one of your posts about Leightyn. I have cried and even called my mom and talked to her about you and Leightyn and Mylie. I gave birth to my son 4 years ago who was stillborn, and that was such an unimaginable pain. And as I know how it feels to bury your own child, I have no idea how it feels to spend 5 years with them and then have to let them go. I think of my children who are here with me - they are 11, 3, and 11 mos - and the thought of tomorrow them being gone takes my breath away. Listening to you and your husband and just the raw feelings and emotions you both share makes me feel like I have known you my whole life. I want to be a better Christian and I want my boys and me and my husband to be active in church, all from tonight reading all of this. We only go when it's convenient, which seems to be less and less these days. From the bottom of my soul, thank you for sharing. I hope that my baby boy, Alex, is one of Leighton's friends in Heaven. I imagine she was the most precious girl.
ReplyDelete-Nicole Rodriguez
I found your blog through Kelly's Korner, and just spent the better part of my morning getting to know your family and Leightyn's story. My son turned 5 on August 11 and I am overwhelmed with the need to find him, hold him and love on him at this very moment - and my heart aches for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story, your faith and your unwavering conviction in the Lord's Grace with us. Your words are truly humbling.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Ani
I lost my sister in March and I am still not at a place where I can say it was Gods plan. My sister was only 43 - she had more life to live. I respect you immensely for being able to be in that place but I just can't.
ReplyDeleteMissy,
ReplyDeleteI love you and your testimony. Words cannot express how amazing it is to see God work in you. I am lifting you up in prayer sweet friend.
I am so touched by your post today. My heart is just so sad for you right now. I'm so sorry for your loss but even those words don't sound right in light of your words today. I am sorry but, with you, I acknowledge God's divine plan. May He continue to receive glory from Leightyn's life and from your sweet spirit.
ReplyDelete~Melody
I am so sorry about your loss. I've never had children, but I did unexpectantly lose my mom at the age of 60 to complications of Lupus. We were very, very close and it hit me very, very hard.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled to your blog from Kelly's Korner, too. She has a good blog and so do you! May God bless you and your family.
Your new "follower" of Google friends,
Missy
http://missyschranz.blogspot.com
Like a few others, I also came across your blog through Kelly's Korner. I sat for hours last night, reading each entry with tears streaming down my face. I was selfishly relieved when as I was getting ready to tear myself away from your blog & go to sleep, my two-year-old who is battling a cold woke up. I rocked him & held him tight, knowing that life can change in the blink of an eye. And as I spent my day home from work today, nursing him back to good health, I never grew tired of the whiny/cranky moments because I know that many would give ANYTHING to have a moment back with their child.
ReplyDeleteI cannot tell you how sorry I am for the tragedy you've been through in losing your beautiful baby girl. I amazed by your strength & you're a true inspiration. Keeping you & your family in my heart & in my prayers.
With love,
Allison
I cannot imagine the grief and pain your heart must feel. I pray that God will help you find small joys in the coming days, weeks, months, etc. I pray that tomorrow is better than today, and so forth. I don't know if we can ever understand "why", but, I do know that God will one day heal your heart...that one day, you will smile again.
ReplyDeleteOur family is committed to praying fervently for you as you continue on this very long journey of finding a new normal.
How beautiful the day will be when you meet her again in Heaven.
Hugs from Georgia,
Sarah