Friday, November 26, 2010

Give Thanks?

Well, Here we are, a few days after another holiday without you. Our hearts ache, our hearts have such a big hole in them. Its hard some days, its easier some days, but every single day we miss you so very very much. I know that life goes on, but we wish so much that you were still with us. I know that you are having such an unbelievable time. Me and mommy wish that we could fast forward through the holidays, but even doing that would not make the hurt go away. Sorry to seem kinda of down. Its just hard.

We went down to the deer woods for thanksgiving lunch with the family. It was tough driving by the cemetary. It just doesnt seem right that we pass by and your there (I know your not there there, but you know what I mean) and not with us. Then we finally get to deer camp and there is a story on tv about an football player who passed away and helped four or five different families through donating his organs. Oh Lei, I wish you would have been able to help some little kids. Seems like it would have made things a little more easier. It just wasnt apart of God's plan for some reason. I know that your time on earth was just right to fulfill Gods perfect will and plan. But it did not fill my wants and desires for you, for our family. Anyways, Mylea had fun until she burnt her hand on the stove. The ride home was NOT fun.
Mommy and aunt Charlene talked about you alot. Not that everybody doesnt miss you, but aunt Charlene was obviously hurting. I meant to tell you what an awesome poem she wrote about you. One the day you were born and another on the day that you went to be with Jesus. I will have to put them on here. Even though my whole family was there, my whole family wasnt there. Its not the same, it will never be the same untill we get to be with you again.

You would have loved last weekend. We went to see uncle We we, Wendy, Bonnie, Kelly, Case, Brannon, and Brayson (oh and I cant forget Mylea's boyfriend briiiiiaaaaaan). Its still wierd driving down th road with only ONE carseat with only ONE little girl. Mylea had so much fun. She was so wore out on the way home after spending the weekend palying with her cousins non stop. It was so good to see her play and have a ball like the two of you did. I try to make it a point and play with her more, she loves playing doctor and giving me shots. Remeber when you used to wear those rubber gloves and take My's temperature? You two were too funny. Your sister has a little attidue sometimes, that I dont remember you having. It makes me miss you so much when she will have nothing to do with me or tells me to "GO AWAY". You were always so lovey and I could always count on a big Leightyn hug! They were the best and I miss them.

GUESS WHAT??? I heard you on the radio twice yesterday. They played the song that you recorded last year, Hark the Harold, and me and mommy got to talk a little bit about you. We never could get you to say mercy mild, you always sang it mercy morrow for some reason. There is some how a difference between saying mild and singing it I guess. My was singing Jingle Bells in the truck on the way to Hon, you would have been so pround of her. She is getting to where she knows alot of songs, and I cant help but to remember when me and mommys hearts would melt listening to you sing along with the radio. I loved listening to you sing and should have played the songs you wanted more. We want to do every thing we can to let people know about your life and our story. I know we have told you before, but you wouldnt believe all of the lives that you have touched, and I dont think we can even begin to know.

I find my self always wandering, always thinking. I see your pictures and wander when and how your sickness started. I was watching Disney home videos with Mylea and thinking. I wish I would have know you were only going to be with us a few more months. But then again do I really? There are many things I could have done different, I would have done different, but I couldnt have loved you anymore. Its funny how Mylea sounds so much like you sometimes. She says luB you, just like you use to. I am glad that we get to see so much of you in her.

Thanksgiving, or better yet, Giving thanks. How can we possibly give thanks during this time of year, when its so hard because you are not here with us? Just as God gave (and continues to give) us the strength to move through this storm that we prasie Him in, we use that same strength to help us see how blessed we are. First and foremost for Jesus Christ, for salvation, for eternity, for peace, and hope that we WILL see you again one day. For your life, for the honor and privilage that we had to watch over, raise and love you for five short years. For your legacy and God using your beautiful life for His glory. For family, I dont know where I would be without family, your mommy, little sister and YOU. For our church family, Bro. Mike and the rest of our friends who continue to pray for us. I thank God for who He is and Jesus for what He did.

Love you Lei

1 comment:

  1. I am truly so sorry for your pain. Only God knows it...........for this I know is true. I have not lost a child, but I have been a child who lost their Mother...........suddenly. Sudden, unexpected death is a whole other kind of wound........I was seven when it happened. I remember for the first 7 years....the mere mention of my Mother's name would cause my throat to physically contrist......and there was a pain involved with that also.......emotional as well as physically......with a longing too.

    I truly know that God alone knows such deep & wounding sorrow. My hope is that we will all meet again! I can't even begin to imagine how joyful that day will be....when your in heaven.....being surrounded by the love of God & seeing your loved ones again...............where they will be a part of your life forever.........and nothing ever again will ever take them away or cause you such pain & sorrow.

    My hope:

    Revelation 21

    A New Heaven and a New Earth
    1 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”