Saturday, February 5, 2011

6 Months

My Sweet Leightyn Nan,

As I sit here, I must admit that I have been replaying your last days here with us over and over in my head. 6 months ago tonight, you were playing with your cousins while I went to a meeting at church and then to a MOPS planning meeting. When I got home, you were so excited to tell me about your night. You were still going strong, having the time of your life with all your "cool cousins". You were full of life, happy, energetic, loving, and all smiles. I remember you wanting to play Scattegories with us, so you grabbed a pencil and wrote your own answers as the adults played. The paper with your answers will forever hang on our refrigerator.
Later in the evening, you grabbed a blanket off your bed and came to curl up in my lap in the living room. You told me how much you loved me and how much fun you were having. We talked about taking your cousins to the petting zoo the next morning. You then kissed me good-night and then went to crawl in bed with daddy.

A few minutes after I came to bed, you woke up crying saying that your tummy and head hurt. Once you got sick, you were fine and quickly fell back asleep. After getting sick several times that night, you finally felt better and went to sleep till morning. Little did we know how our lives would change in a few short hours.

Here we are today, 6 months later.

Our lives are forever changed. There is not a day that goes by that we do not think about you or talk about you. As I put Mylea in bed tonight, she was singing "God is Bigger Than The Boogie Man" and "Thankful Heart". Mylea and I talked about those two songs being your favorite bedtime songs. We talked about how every night, those were the two songs you always picked to sing. Mylea prayed tonight and asked God to give you a hug from her. We always pray at bedtime, for you to know how much we love you and miss you. I promise Lei Lei, until the day I die, Mylea will be reminded of you every day. I pray that she doesn't forget what an awesome big sister you were and how much fun and love you had for her. Mylea still loves to look at our Disney vacation book and talk about you and the rides. She still also loves to watch home videos and talk about how silly her sissy was.

It seems like it has been so much longer than 6 months. It seems like years since we have seen you, held you, kissed you, and laughed with you. 6 months ago, I never imagined that we would have survived six months without you. But we have. How? Only through God. I can say that there has not been a day where I have felt abandoned by God. Sure, I often question and wonder why He chose to take you, but I don't think I will know the complete answer until I get to Heaven. Speaking of Heaven....I think of all your questions you had about Heaven and I wonder if you now have answers for all of them. There are so many questions about Heaven that I have for you. I can't wait till that amazing day when I get to hear your voice call out "mommy" and I see you running down the streets of gold towards me. What a glorious day that will be! It brings a smile to my face to know that we will be reunited....forever! Thank you Jesus for the promise of an eternity in Heaven!

Until that day Lei, know that I love you and miss you so much. I thank God that I got to have you for five wonderful years. I thank God for all the wonderful memories. You will always have a special place in my life and heart that no one or thing can replace. You will always be my first born and my one and only Lei Babe.

I love my girl...."so so so so so so so so so much"!

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