Peace

Sweet Baby Girl,

It has been a couple of busy weeks for Mommy, Daddy, and MyMy. Christmas activities are over and the decorations are back in the attic. I like the feeling of being back to our every day routine. Nothing out of the ordinary and nothing to anticipate.

Christmas was much better than I ever anticipated. Daddy and I woke Mylea early Christmas morning and she quickly remembered that Santa was suppose to come. We sat down together and listened to Daddy read about the birth of Jesus. Mylea listened like a big girl and was so excited to answer some of our questions correctly. We sang "Happy Birthday" and blew out the candle on our cake. You would have gotten a laugh over Jesus' birthday cake. We ran out of time and didn't get a chance to make our own so we used a Razorback cupcake from the store. I'm sure Mr. Orville would agree with Jesus being a Razorback fan!

We stopped by the cemetery on the way to Hon. It was a bittersweet moment. Actually is was one of the hardest trips to visit with you. It really stinks that we were visiting your grave on Christmas morning. Something we never imagined ourselves doing. While we were there, snow flurries began to fall. You always got so excited when there was any chance of snow. I remember when you were two. There were a few flurries coming down and within seconds, you were in your rainboots and coat running around the backyard cause "it's nowing".

We went to the candlelight service at church on New Years Eve. It was a great night for daddy and I. We had a testimony time that allowed every one to reflect on the past year and the new year. I was so thankful that we just survived 2010....really just the last 5 months. Several people mentioned how your life had changed them and the church family. It was so nice to hear people still talk about you and remember your life and its impact.

We stopped by the cemetery last week. It was a beautiful sight. The flowers on your grave were surrounded by a perfect blanket of snow. I wish I would have had my camera.

Speaking of camera.....the church framed a big picture of you and hung it in the front entryway. Next to Mr. Orville's chair. It is a beautiful picture. We received many sweet comments yesterday at church.

Oh yeah.....Vivi wants to know if God has a mustache! She loves you and misses you so much. Vivi and Annabelle have taken Mylea under their wings. They love her the same way they loved you. I thank God for special friends like these.

Daddy and I stopped by to see Ms. Mary Lynn this morning. She is more of a blessing than your pediatrician to us. She encouraged us and was so happy to have a Leightyn shirt. It was so good to see her! Ms. Mary Lynn, along with many others, were moved by our Christmas card and your challenge. Daddy and I love hearing from people how you have changed them. A week doesn't go by that we do not receive an email or conversation about how you have inspired someone or a family. It's awesome to see God still working! Reminds me of a Steven Curtis Chapman song

out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...

We just back from the beach a few days ago. It was the trip that I needed. Daddy too. We had time to relax and just hang out. We sat on the beach and just talked about what has happened and where do we go from here. One night at supper, daddy and I were talking about this new peace we have. We just had a peace about it being ok to move on and to continue to live our lives. I don't want this to sound like we are forgetting you and moving on because we aren't. We will never forget you or stop loving you. We just have this peace about continuing to live our lives day to day. It was almost as if you were telling us that is was ok to be having fun at the beach and to enjoy our lives with Mylea. We thought about how much fun you would have had with Mylea playing in the sand. You always wanted to go to the beach. You use to ask me when you could go catch crabs like Curious George. Mylea got a chance to play with several dolphins. You would have been in love with them. At a different place, Mylea was picked to see a sea lion up close. You would have been so proud of her. She shook his fin and never got scared. Moments like these make me miss you so much. You should have been with her meeting the dolphins and sea lions.
Bittersweet moments.

At the beach, I started a great book "Hearing Jesus Speak Your Sorrow". I only made it through the first three chapters, but it spoke to me in so many ways. One of the chapters is titled "I, Too, Have Heard God Tell Me No". The author discusses how God could have spared Jesus from death on the cross but didn't because He willed and planned for Jesus to die on the cross. Jesus cried out and pleaded to His Father God and was told no. I, and many others, cried out and pleaded to God to save you. To let you wake up and to come back to us. God told us no. He didn't tell us no because He couldn't do it. God had every power to save you but it wasn't His will. Just like it wasn't God's will to spare Jesus from the cross, it wasn't in His will to keep you on earth. We don't understand why it had to be you. But one day, we will see the big picture and we will see why God used you.

"Even if you don't heal me or the one I love, even if you don't change my circumstances, even if you don't restore this relationship, even if you allow me to lose what is most precious to me, I will still love you and obey you and believe that you are good. And I believe that you, as my loving Father, will use everything in my life - even the hard and hurtful things - for my ultimate good and your eternal glory, because you love me."

I love you Lei Babe....and I can't wait for our reunion one sweet glorious day!

Mommy